↠.hey daydreamer.↞

↠I have very strong daydreams.  I'm doing simple things and at any time I'll zone out almost completely from the real world, and I'm in my head.  My mind overpowers my senses, and there's a movie playing in my head.  Only recently have I started scolding myself more seriously as soon as I'm aware of it.  For about a whole minute I'll just be saying stop stop stop in my head as it keeps trying to come back to life.  Yes the daydreams can be a whole series of one 'story'.  Mostly stemming from things in real life.  Sometimes one string of events and all their different versions.  Events that I'd like to happen, though now I'm trying to stop imagining them and actually focus on really making them happen.  

I used to think this habit stemmed from high school, when I just couldn't pay enough attention to the teacher, my friends were making boring gossip, and I'd force myself to look out the window and think of something exciting that would keep me awake. 

And I just discovered this term 'maladaptive daydreaming'.  Reading through several 'lists' and paragraphs, it's like a waterfall of yes' pouring out of my head. I'm not too surprised or bothered, because I'm still able to live out my life without too much disruption, but then I see drawing/writing your characters from you dreams.  And I'm like fuck to myself once again.  No silly this didn't start in high school.

There were times when I was younger when I did this whole drifting away. I remember in early primary, I'd have whole story lines in my head, and/or a group of characters with clear facial and body features and purposes.  I remember them clearly still because I drew them out.  Of course I still think that's completely normal, but honestly I stuck with these characters in my head for such a long time!  I'm pretty sure one went on till just before high school, and I'd remember her every now and then.  She had begun from one of my dreams, and when I woke up from it I felt extremely heavy.  I guess I just couldn't let go of her. I really believed in them.

This never turned into an imaginary friend situation, but I also would never speak of this to anyone else because once I'd finish zoning out I'd be mostly back to reality haha.  I never cared for my secret story lines in the real world  I was either fully in it or not at all. It was all in my head, in a world of my own. That's charm of it.

Anyways I've realised just thinking about things won't do shit.  If I keep going into wonderland without trying to reprimand myself, it could also get worse.  I'll end up sticking to the same job, staying in the same place, talking to the same people, instead of going out there and just dealing with the realness of everything. ↞

Also I've been loving the rainy weather.   The hot summer days can stay away for as long as they can please weather gods thanks.