Times I truly Cried

Times I truly cried, and remembered:

I thought I didn't remember feeling much as a child but then I remembered school, haha!

So:

being forced to eat nutella sandwich when I was in 1st grade. i really liked peanut butter, and i still remember how nutella tasted to me the first time.  it tastes different to me now, like delicious af. but back then the nuttiness was strong af.

when i got my period for the first time.  my mum had told me about it maybe a year to a few months earlier, but i had no idea what she was talking about at the time. and i cried automatically when i saw blood. i guess deep down my days of innocent naive childhood were coming to an end. i learnt long afterwards that some people are ecstatic when this happened?! ;(. ofcourse i went to my mum and hugged her and lied i just had a bad dream. the next day i was fine and we did a period ritual.

i dreamt my mum passing. i woke up, not like bolt upright, but just staring for a few seconds at the realisitaion anything could happen anytime.  again, i went out to where my mum was sleeping and just hugged her sleeping.

my friend being bullied and breaking down, hated on from other people for no reason of her own, just other people feeling insecure around her.

16 year old break down, from pent up frustration at my parents' childishness.

quite a few times when my mum first started staying overseas for an extended amount of time. constant worrying that anything could happen at anytime again.  So i panicked late at night once and called my dad at work doing night shift, ordering him to tell my mum to call me haha.

when i was disappointed at myself in first year of fashion school.

leaving my family after only 10 days of a near full family reunion holiday, to do my own travelling.

insecurities around a guy and just deep-diving into it.

when someone jumped infront of a train i was about to catch, on my platform.

when i realised all the constant fear and worrying some black people have to live with just being citizens of their own country.